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Great news:

Last Thursday, I finished writing my book and sent it to a publisher!

I celebrated climbing this figurative mountain by climbing a literal one an hour north of Madrid.

When I returned, a friend asked a difficult question that made me think deeply about my plans. If you are trying to do something meaningful with your life, it’s an important question for you too.

We were discussing the ‘single point of leverage’—the one thing to focus on that drives results. My friend’s point of leverage is his excellent podcast, The Meta Game. The better his episodes, the better his brand and business.

Mine? I told him books. But I felt an underlying tension. A (good) book takes 2-3 years to produce. I enjoyed writing my first, but my friend had a front-row seat to how hard I found the balance between it and my business.

So he asked:

Why does it have to be books?

The question sent me down a spiral of self-inquiry.

What are you chasing?

Let’s pause a second to make this relevant to your situation.

Unless you are a monk, your goals are likely attached to external outcomes. There is something you are chasing to fulfil something you believe you lack. It helps to pause and think about this.

When you do not consider what you are pursuing underneath a desire, you can spend your life chasing the wrong things for the wrong reasons.

To my friend, a book is a book. To me, it signifies something much deeper. He pointed out that I could have a great time if I dropped the need to be an author. I can build a happy life if I just write my newsletter. It is a lot less pressure and has been working well for me so far.

“But books are my dream,” I told him.

He challenged me again, saying the way I spoke about them showed something deeper.

I felt defensive, which is a sign that something inside you feels threatened. I told him I needed to think about it. That night, as I devoured a celebratory steak, I sat with the question. My mind kept justifying all the reasons books are great. But I realised I was glazing past his point.

So I began looking from a different angle, and asked:

What does my ego want from books?

I decided to let loose at the restaurant. Here’s what I wrote:

===crazy man ramble incoming===

I want to write books because I f**king love doing hard things that most people cannot.

I spent most of my teenage years as, what I used to believe, a ‘loser’. I was an overweight, anxious kid in a military school. I wasn’t good at sport. Or with girls. I would rather bury my head in fantasy books than be on the rugby field. It was not a great place for me to grow up.

And so, like many entrepreneurs, I have a chip on my shoulder. A point to prove. I’ve become quite good at doing hard things. I built a successful cosmetic dental career, then quit and did the same as a creator. But I am not satisfied with my story stopping there—even if dentist Kieran would kill for this life.

I want to do something more impressive. In a decade, I want the respect and applause when I tell the story of how I went for my author dream.

If I can ‘pull off books’, then I finally prove I am worthy. They are hard to write, hard to sell, and hard to commit to when the Internet has so much distraction. Everyone is so busy creating content that few people produce anything meaningful long-term.

Books feel like big boy work.

I don’t just want to write one. I want a library. Nobody can tell me I was not committed if I can point to my stack of physical evidence. I would be disappointed if I only wrote one, because it would be evidence of my distraction. But if I succeed as an author, then I can look in the mirror and say I f**king did it.

===crazy man rant over===

Phew. Send me to a looney hospital. But there it is: my dark side. I almost did not want to share this because I worry it might tarnish my public image. But that’s how our ego works. It wants control but not the spotlight.

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I felt a little resentment toward my friend for peeling apart a crack. Three hours ago I was climbing a peak without a single drop of mental conflict, and now I was worrying about my life’s purpose.

But I’m glad he pointed it out. I did not realise I had such a deep script running around the author dream.

So after admitting these parts of myself, and sleeping—which is always good for clarity—I woke and revisited the debate with another exercise he gave me.

How to find an internally driven path

When you see your goals more clearly, you can begin thinking of alternate paths that satisfy the deeper desire, without the dumb monkey-shit.

Here’s how it works:

Imagine you had it all: the money, fame, achievements, and parties as everyone celebrates your heroism. What would you do when the buzz dies down? How would you spend your day when you are sitting in your mansion with nothing more to chase?

This gives a clearer picture of what you should do right now.

Ironically, my mind keeps coming back to the same answer.

I think I’d write books.

Motherf**ker, I said to myself. I worried my ego was feeding me bullshit to continue getting its way. I could picture my friend’s sceptical face as I sounded like a broken record.

But the more I think about it, the more it feels right.

Books sing to my soul.

I love this newsletter. But if this was all I could do? If the only thing I produced was my weekly essay—even if it were to the best of my ability—would I be proud? Well, I wouldn’t be miserable (it ain’t drilling teeth). But part of me would be sad. Because I love books and everything they stand for.

They have been my close companion for life. I have read for several hours per day for as long as I can remember. When I was diagnosed with a brain tumour, books taught me about Stoicism and Buddhism and offered me new worlds to live in when mine felt too tough to handle. They have helped me heal and grow and see myself with a deeper perspective.

I’ve never believed in higher purposes, but I am coming around to it (ironically, after reading the book The Denial of Death). I have always felt pulled toward writing a book, and now that I am finishing my first, that pull only feels stronger.

I hear authors talk about their book experience as torture. But that did not happen with me.

I wrote at least fifteen drafts of Magnetic Writing, almost every day for 19 months. This did not take discipline. Every morning I woke excited to continue. Shit, even when I lost the first 800 hours of work after being robbed, I started writing it again four days later. Three weeks ago, I even started writing a fiction book in my evenings (which has been deeeeeelightful).

Kieran Drew @ItsKieranDrew I have been writing my first fiction book for 30-45 minutes every night. It's always been my dream, but I realised I've stepped no closer to starting one. I finish my workday, go for a walk, have dinner, then write the book by hand. It feels much nicer than staring at a screen, 11:00 AM • Sep 11, 2026 2 Retweets 43 Likes Read 14 replies

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If I can help someone like me overcome some of the things I have wrestled with, and do that in book format, f**k—that doesn’t feel like a career. That feels like a vocation. Like a life’s mission.

But my friend was right. I made the book into a beast. He kept pointing out when I said things like ‘I have to finish this monster’ or ‘I am wrestling into existence’.

But as I reflect, the tension was because I felt like I was losing what I craved. My revenue dropped because I was too busy writing. My social media slowed because I had no time to play the game. My attachment to the external desire stopped me from enjoying my infinite game.

So what happens now?

Build your life around your north star

As I write this, I feel unease because I do not have a perfect prescription for what to do. But that is the point—there is no perfect path. There is only messy action and reflection.

For me, perhaps I don’t need to ‘sacrifice’ everything else for books. That, it is ok to set aside a few days a week for my newsletter and offers because I love these parts too, and actually, they help me write better books because you can’t write well without close contact with your audience.

(and if it means that I can play this game for decades without feeling so much conflict, then this is the more intelligent bet too).

To you, this might sound like an obvious conclusion, but to me, it is a revelation. This is why it is important to look inwards. Sometimes you are running so hard you can’t see anything except the imaginary finish line.

All I ask is that you set aside some time this week for reflection:

1. What goal am I obsessed about right now?
2. What am I chasing underneath it?
3. What would I do with my time if I already had these things?
4. How can I do this more right now (instead of in an imaginary future)?
5. What can I do long-term to continue heading in the right direction?

It is hard for me to internalise this lesson, so I will say it as a reminder for me just as much as for you:

You are already enough. You only need to work on your terms. Don’t forget that the purpose of life is to play.

To your freedom,

Kieran

P.S.

The first book has been more of a spiritual exercise than an economic one.

In Buddhism, they say suffering is a gift. Aside from trying to build a romantic relationship (that’s a whole other kettle of fish), no project has served as such a potent mirror.

I did not expect my fears, doubts, and insecurities to reflect back at me as I pursued my dream. But I am grateful for it. These things have always been there, lurking behind a comfortable life. But 2 years of working on one thing has changed me. It’s not often I say this, but I am genuinely proud of the person I have become. And if writing another book lets me continue this journey, then sign me up.

You are supposed to find a purpose that lights you up. Something that pushes you to be your best self. Something that feels exciting and worthwhile.

The vehicle is different for each of us, and it will evolve as you do. If you have no clue what you want from life, the first step is to explore. You don’t find a path by standing still.