For most of my life, I’ve wrestled with comparison.

It began as a teenager. I grew up in a military boarding school: firing guns, climbing assault courses, being a ‘man’.

This might sound fun as a kid, but I hated it.

You’d more likely find me buried in a fantasy book than playing football. So I felt like a loser, an outcast.

Education was my saviour. I sucked at sports, but I was great at studying. So I became a straight-A student. It felt good to be ‘better’ than my classmates. This drew me toward dentistry—the top of the totem pole for conventional careers. Again, it felt great comparing my career with other people’s.

Then I began making money.

Turns out, I’m pretty good at it. I told myself the richer I got, the better a person I’d become. By 27 years old, I was making £170,000 a year. Few UK dentists reach that point in their entire career.

Was I satisfied? Hell no.

I was miserable. I didn’t enjoy the work—paycheques will not solve a lack of purpose. So I quit dentistry to pursue my dream of writing.

3 years later, I’d made my first 7 figures.

You’d think I’d have finally felt like enough.

But each win was just a brief glimmer of joy on a backdrop of exhaustion.

Because I always felt like I was behind. I couldn’t relax without feeling guilty. I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I slowed down, success would slip away from me.

Comparison will kill you.

The problem with comparison is that you end up playing life at 10x speed. You want to skip ahead to the good stuff, without realising you are missing the movie.

Sure, you might achieve success.

But you never let yourself feel it.

“Once I arrive, I’ll be happy.” You tell yourself. But this is like chasing the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. The harder you run, the more elusive it becomes. It screws up your judgement, too. You outsource your thinking to the crowd, caring more about how you look than how you feel.

I don’t know about you Reader, but that terrifies me.

I don’t want to miss my life because I was too busy running a race I didn’t sign up for.

Comparison makes you cold to other areas of life. You don’t have the time for simple pleasures.

The beauty of a sunrise on a calm morning.

The bliss of a deep breath as crisp air fills your lungs.

The company of good people, good food, and good conversation.

Life is made of these moments. But they’re tough to appreciate when you run around with a measuring stick. There will always be more to do. Always someone smarter, better, richer to ‘beat’.

It’s a contest where there are no winners. Just tired losers.

Overcoming the comparison trap

Comparison stops you thinking clearly—in both life and business. You will end up doing things you don’t want to impress people you don’t know. Ironically, playing the game is how you lose it.

So this past year, I’ve worked hard on improving my faulty wiring.

I still catch myself comparing. But I can say with reasonable confidence that I am content.

There’s one tool that’s helped me most.

First, some context. It's not enough to tell yourself to stop comparing. That's like asking a dog to stop barking. It's our nature, and in today's hyper-connected world, we’ve never been more at risk.

Nor can you remind yourself to compare backwards. Sure, it’s good for perspective. But you’re still trapped by the same rules.

Here’s what I do:

Use comparison as a cue.

When you catch yourself comparing, don’t judge it. Observe it. Look through the lens of curious compassion.

• How interesting is it that you believe comparison will make you happy despite evidence suggesting otherwise?
• How fascinating is it that you don’t let yourself appreciate success for fear of losing it?
• How powerful is our need to be seen by others that we refuse to see ourselves?

Observation leads to transformation. When you understand a script, it rewrites itself. You realise life is not a competition to win, but a joy to experience.

This gives you the freedom to redefine success.

And a better metric?

Process, not outcome.

When you love what you do, you care much less about the opinion of others. The journey becomes the destination. Not only is this more enjoyable, it makes you more effective as an entrepreneur and more complete as a person.

Because nobody can compete with you if you are having fun.

But becoming process-oriented does not happen by magic. It’s a constant tug-of-war between your intelligent and idiotic mind.

Hence, the ‘cue’ process—comparison becomes a reminder to return to reality.

Let me give you an example.

I’m writing my first book.

The first 3 hours of my day are heaven. Time melts away as I tap at the keyboard. But despite this joy, anxiety often creeps in—usually tied to how much I go on social media.

• What if I fail?
• What if I look stupid?
• How on earth will I ever climb to the same heights as my favourite writers?

I become miserable. Tense. Stressed.

But instead of fighting it, I see it as a friendly warning that I’m slipping into quicksand again.

I breathe, smile, and remind myself:

Writing IS the outcome. The result is just the icing on the cake.

And because comparison is so frequent, the rewiring effect compounds quickly. Work begins to feel like play. Fear fades, so you can build the life and business you want.

And that’s when you will make your biggest contribution.

Don’t get sucked into the wrong game,

Kieran

P.S.

I’d love to hear if this resonates with you.

Over the next few months, I'm sharing deeper topics on my mind. I explained why two weeks ago. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.