“Dude, are you on a motorbike?”

Those were the last words I heard in my headphones as I watched the robbers speed away. I stood stunned. I had just answered my friend’s call as I walked toward my flat in Buenos Aires. Two men on a bike swiped my phone straight from my hand.

I snap out of my daze when I realise my screen was unlocked.

“Shit. Okay, you've been robbed. Not a massive problem. You're 5 minutes from home. Get to the flat, lock the phone, you'll be fine.” I think to myself.

How wrong I was.

Day 1: Descending into digital chaos

I run home and flip open my MacBook.

It’s midnight, but thankfully, my assistant in the Philippines is online. I ask her to call my bank and block my card. I change my Apple ID and Gmail passwords, then lock the phone using Apple Findmy. I message the girl I'm seeing, Carolina, on WhatsApp through my laptop. She comes over with a spare phone.

ChatGPT tells me everything is going to be fine. Tomorrow, I'll make some calls. I go to bed shaken but relieved.

The next morning, I wake up early and go to my Mac.

"Huh." I say. It’s in recovery mode, strange.

"Que paso?" she mumbles, still half asleep. She can't speak English, and I'm 6 months into my Spanish, which is about to get very interesting.

I explain that my laptop has stopped working, but maybe Apple is trying to protect me. I go downstairs and grab the spare phone. I'm logged out of my Apple ID. I load up Gmail. I'm logged out of that, too. My new passwords aren’t working. Maybe I typed them in wrong.

But as I try again, the spare phone shuts down too.

I can’t log back in.

Ok, shit. Something serious is happening.

I use Carolina's phone to try log into my Gmail. I have two accounts, and can get into my business one using recovery. I see an email from a friend.

“Why have you just sent me £10? Is everything ok?”

Oh, f**k, they are in my bank. Surely they can't set up a new payee? I ask ChatGPT. It says to keep calm, they can’t do anything without your face ID.

I get kicked out of Gmail again.

I am not feeling calm.

I realise that literally everything I own is probably compromised. My bank accounts, emails, and social media profiles. My mind begins to race. What passwords did I autosave? What details did I jot down thoughtlessly?

With a sinking feeling, I remember the government sent me a big tax refund the week before. Multiple 5 figures. Into the account they are in. I try to call the bank with Carolina’s phone. I can't get through. I try to call Apple. I can't get through.

"Why can't I call international numbers on your phone?" I ask Carolina. She isn't sure. I'm trying not to lose my shit as she tries to explain to me the problem with international calls in Argentina.

I feel like I have a million things to do, no way to do them, and every second that ticks by, they are going deeper into my life.

Ok. Breathe. I need a laptop. Carolina runs home to grab hers.

An hour drags by.

I lie on the sofa, helpless, trying to think what else I can do. It is the worst I’ve felt in years.

I need to call someone. Carolina arrives back. Her laptop is old, but I can't complain. I hop on ChatGPT. It reassures me they can't do anything, but f**k, it said that last night too. I don’t trust it. I regain access to my business email. I use it to try regain access to my personal email, which is linked to all of my banks.

Gmail says 5 days to recover.

5 f**king days.

I try to contact my bank through online chat, but they need me to log in first. They text me a login code. My heart sinks. Did I just tell the hacker I have a separate bank? Does this mean I can't even try to log into my other assets?

I really, really, need to call someone.

We get a taxi to a phone store. They say their sims won't call international. I don't understand why, everything is in Spanish. My adrenaline has been pumping for 12 hours now, so my entire body is on edge. We try two more stores. Nope. Jesus Christ, I wish I were in the UK right now. I start thinking I need to fly home.

I check flights. 25 hours travel time.

I've never felt so far from home.

I message my best friend on Instagram with Carolina's number. He drives to the Apple store in Manchester. I speak to someone through his phone. They can't help, they tell me I need to make a call from Argentina. There is no Apple store here. There is no Apple number either. He calls my bank but fails the security test. Thankfully, he can block my phone number, but they say it can take up to 24 hours. 24 bloody hours. I wonder if I will have anything left in 24 hours.

I need the new sim to reclaim my Apple account.

They will send me a new one in 4 days, but only to my old address. Of course, I forgot to update my address when I left for South America.

This is starting to get crazy.

We get back to my flat. I can’t think clearly about what to do next. I can't speak to my banks unless I log into my apps. Maybe if I reclaim my Apple account first. I have never hated AI chatbots more. It takes 2 hours to find a real person to speak to. Apple tells me they can start account recovery, I just need my phone number. I try to explain to them that the robbers have my phone number and email. There is nothing stopping them from stopping me.

They finish by telling me I need to call them.

F**k, f**k, f**k.

It's been 18 hours now. My head is pounding, and I can't think what to do next. I call my mum, I think I just need a hug. It's nice to vent in English. Carolina is trying her best to help, but the language barrier is killing me.

She suggests sleep, I think she's right.

Day 2: A brief glimmer of hope

I wake in the morning, remembering that I have an old iPad in the UK.

I call my mum, we charge it while praying it is still logged into my personal Gmail. It is. Finally, a result. I get back into my Gmail, immediately change the passwords (for the 10th time). I change the phone numbers and authenticators.

OK, I think I am in control.

A wave of relief washes over me.

But then I begin reading the emails.

• "Bank card details verified." From my UK business bank.
• Emails from Coinbase, my crypto bank.
• Emails from Wise, my new business bank.
• Emails about details being changed from my personal bank.
• Emails from Apple confirming devices erased and passwords changed.

With dread, I realise this is far from over.

I log into the business bank account first.

It's empty. I open the transactions, feeling sick as I scroll through the purchases. The card was declined immediately, but because they had my email and phone, they reverted it.

I log into Wise, my heart in my mouth. There is 10x the amount of money in this one.

Thankfully, Wise flagged the transactions. They needed ID verification. I sigh with relief and change the account details.

Coinbase next. I bought a lot of crypto a few years ago. Thankfully, they had emailed me three months ago to update my details, but I was too lazy to send new photos. The robber couldn’t send anything. I knew being lazy would eventually pay off.

I try to log in to my personal bank.

Nope, phone number required. I REALLY need to speak with them. Carolina has a bright idea. She says to use Google Meet with your mum, and hold the phone to the speaker. We give it a go. I get through, but the sound quality is terrible. They hang up 3 times. I shout loudly for the rest. My neck is killing me.

3 hours later, I finally get through to the fraud team. They ask security questions.

I set them 17 years ago. This is hell. My nerves are skyrocketing. Eventually, I pass. They transfer me to another team. But they can't hear me.

My mum eventually steps in and explains the situation.

"Is there someone else on this call?" I feel sick. We try to tell them what happened. Too late. They think I'm being coerced. They hang up. My mum looks at me with sympathy. I tell her we need to try again.

Breathe. Call. We get through.

This time, I'm screaming. I pass security. They need to check every transaction. They read them out one by one, each cutting me deeper.

"Did you send $1,500 to this bank at 11:33 this morning?" No.

"How about $750 to this bank at 9:20?" No.

"Ok, and the $2,000 transaction at 7:00 am?" No.

I try to tell them I haven't made ANY transactions, but he needs to do his job. 21 transactions later, I am a shell of a man.

But then it got worse.

"What about the transfers to your other bank?"

"Other bank? I don't have another bank."

"You don't have a global money bank with us, sir?” He says, concern in his voice.

"I don't even know what that is," I reply, too tired to shout.

"Ok, I need to transfer you to my supervisor."

Identity fraud. Sweet baby Jesus, this is crazy.

An hour later, they have frozen everything. They will call back after investigating. I ask when. They say within 2 weeks. I hang up.

My mum tells me she is so sorry. I feel exhausted, but at least I know.

Then my heart drops again.

Identity fraud. I have my life savings in another account. And it’s a lot. Same email, same number. I jump on their website to grab the phone number. We call, voicemail. Their team is closed till Monday. It's Saturday afternoon. No emergency contact.

I send an email.

There's nothing I can do but wait.

We call Apple with the same trick. They tell me the account recoveries were cancelled by the thief. They start another. It will take 5 days. I ask them if I can reverse the devices being erased.

Nope. You lose all your files.

All your files…

I realise my book is not saved in the cloud. I swapped to Scrivener 4 months ago, and the autosave is in Documents. I laugh. I don’t have any emotion left to register. I’ve lost hundreds of hours of work, too.

I tell myself it's not important. I can always write it again.

I finish Saturday in a daze.

I don't know the damage, but at least we have some answers. Now I need to wait till Monday. On Sunday, I try to keep my mind off things, especially the life savings.

I haven't felt this anxious in years.

We visit the police station to get a report. We go to a park for a walk. I get a kick in my stomach every time I think that the hackers are probably trying their next thing now, and I can do nothing about it.

Carolina tries to cheer me up. I try to let her.

Monday morning. I call my life savings bank, heart in my mouth. No recent transactions. Hallelujah. They freeze my account and call the fraud team. I call my phone service provider, and they will send me a new phone. In the UK, of course.

I speak to my business bank, and they confirm the money is gone (lol). They begin the investigation.

They tell me to wait.

And this leads me to today.

Waiting.

I'm writing this on Carolina's laptop. She's been amazing, putting her life on hold for mine. She's also paying for my life until my banks unfreeze. It is uncomfortable, but I realise that if I hadn't met her by chance in a different part of Argentina 2 months earlier, I might have had no one to help at all.

No phone, laptop, or money. Now THAT would’ve been bad.

The lesson I want to share

When I first began writing this, I wanted to share a list of lessons around cybersecurity.

More as a note to self. And I've attached them below.

But the most important tip I can give came on Saturday, when I felt most hopeless.

I was on my balcony, trying to breathe as I stared across the Buenos Aires skyline. My mind whispered about how much easier it would be if I jumped. I wasn't serious, but damn it was a dark thought.

Thankfully, it reminded me of a concept I used to lean into heavily when I had serious health issues.

"This too shall pass"

This is from Marcus Aurelius's Meditations. It's a reminder that what feels terrible in the moment is less painful with time. You just need to zoom out.

My problem did not disappear. But it dialled down from a 9.9 to an 8, which was enough space to think more clearly.

The situation was bad, but not fatal. Your monkey mind feels like you are being personally assaulted when you are digitally attacked, but it is not the end of the world.

I reminded myself I had my health, I had my skills. I can open new banks, start new emails, and write a new book. None of these things defines me.

I reminded myself that the only thing I can control now is my interpretation.

It helped a little, then a lot. I began joking again.

I tell Carolina that I had found a Latina Sugar Mommy (when normally with Internet bros, it’s the other way around). I laugh with my friends that even if they are trying to rehack my business accounts, the good news is the money is already gone. I remind myself that the best parts of my book are in my head, and they have just done the most brutal editing exercise that I didn’t have the balls to do myself:

CTRL ALT DELETE.

"This will make a fantastic newsletter, at least", I say to my mum on the phone.

And hopefully it did.

Cheers for reading,

Kieran

P.S:

Some musings. These seem obvious, but I bet many people have the same lax attitude toward this stuff. Trust me, this digital crime stuff is absolute hell. Protect yourself.

1. Whenever you hear something and think, “That will never happen to me.” Imagine if it does. A friend told me about cybersecurity 3 months ago. I put it on my to-do list.
2. If you are nomading, you need two phones, two sims, and contacts written down manually. Shit can get real very fast. And don't answer the phone while walking. Even if you think you’re on a safe street. Just not worth it.
3. Have an outdoor phone that has nothing on it except the barebone essentials.
4. Do NOT use autofill passwords. Even if it's not for banking stuff. All they need is access to your Gmail, and they have access to your life.
5. Never note personal information in your digital notes.
6. Have multiple email accounts.
7. Never have bank accounts attached to your personal emails. Never have your name in the email address.
8. 2 Factor Authentication for everything. If you can, register a backup person (you can for Apple).
9. Have different passwords for different accounts. It is a ballache, but it is stupid to have one password for everything.
10. Write passwords and security questions down somewhere. Do not wait until there is an emergency to try remember them.
11. Do not leave money in your main bank accounts. Put them in linked bank accounts that can only be withdrawn to the main account. Different logins and emails.
12. Update your addresses immediately when you move. Do not manana manana this like I did.

Oh, and learn to write. So when shit goes wrong, at least you can turn it into something useful :)